HOW TO IDENTIFY AND END ONE-WAY FRIENDSHIPS.
HOW TO IDENTIFY AND END ONE-WAY FRIENDSHIPS.
While taking my daily 12,000 steps in the cool of the evening yesterday, I started feasting on the term one-way friendships.
A one-way friendship is when you’re always the giver. Giving time, advice, presence, financial resources and emotional support, while the other person simply receives.
Painful isn't it? I have been there and I understand. That is why I have curated some signs to help you identify if you’re trapped in one.
1) You’re always the one initiating contact. They only reach out when they need something. Your needs, stories, and feelings are often ignored or minimized. You feel drained, unseen, and unappreciated after spending time with them. They celebrate themselves loudly but go silent when it’s your turn.
2) In a real friendship, energy flows both ways. Love, support, attention and care are mutual. If you’re constantly running on empty, it’s not friendship, it’s emotional servitude. And if you are wondering why we stay in them, it may be because we’re scared of being alone. Or because “It’s been so long” and “They’re like family” and “They don’t mean to be this way.” We also stay because somewhere deep down, we believe our loyalty will eventually earn their love.
But here’s the harsh truth, loyalty to dysfunction is still dysfunction. If you stopped reaching out, would you still have a relationship? When life is kicking your butt do they show up for you? Do you feel more anxious than excited when you see their name pop up? Are you only valuable to them when you are useful? Does this relationship make you feel safe, seen, and supported or small, tired, and resentful?
Your gut knows. Your soul knows. Stop gaslighting yourself.
Ending a one-way friendship doesn’t always mean a dramatic confrontation. Naaaa. Sometimes it’s simply withdrawing and stopping all flavors of initiation and over-extension.
But before we end the friendship, let's give them the benefit of doubt and grace by having an emotionally intelligent conversation with them. If you feel safe, have a direct conversation and use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory like “I’ve noticed I’m always the one reaching out, and it makes me feel undervalued." This gives your friend a chance to respond and take accountability or deflect and gaslight you.
If they don't validate your feelings, then it's time to set clear boundaries. Takers don't have a limit but givers must have.
Grieve what you thought you had. Mourn it. Cry if you need to. Then bless and release them. Walk away with your dignity intact.
Sometimes healing looks like deleting the number, muting the notifications, and letting go of who you had to shrink to stay loved.
One-way friendships don’t just waste your time, they erode your self-worth. Every time you accept crumbs of attention, you teach yourself that "You don’t deserve better." "Your needs don’t matter." and "You are only valued for what you can give."
You deserve friendships that see you.
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