I Have Never Met a Man Who Didn’t Acknowledge That Cheating on His Wife Was Selfish. Yet Still Felt Entitled to Her Forgiveness.
Let’s talk about what no one wants to say out loud. Infidelity is rarely about ignorance. It’s about entitlement. And no matter how many times I’ve sat in sessions and tear-soaked confessions, I have never met a man who didn’t know that cheating on his wife was selfish.
Not one. He knew. He always knew.
He just believed she should forgive him. Eventually. Preferably quickly. Ideally, quietly. And if she didn’t? He’d manipulate the moment. Reframe the story. Spiritualize the offense. Gaslight her pain. All in the name of "reconciliation."
Cheating isn't a "mistake." Cheating is a choice one made privately, with full awareness of its potential to devastate. Because somewhere, deeply embedded in patriarchal culture, is the lie that: “A good woman forgives. A godly wife restores. A strong woman takes him back.”
No one says to him that self-control is a fruit of the spirit while lack of self-control is a fruit of the flesh. No one pressures him to hold himself accountable to God, his vows, his wife and family.
And that, right there, is the injustice.
They Know It’s Selfish So Why Do They Still Expect Grace?
Because they think:
“I messed up, but I’m only human.”
“It was just physical. It didn’t mean anything.”
“It’s in a man’s nature.”
And somehow, these statements are supposed to soften the betrayal. They’re supposed to explain away the wreckage.
But here's what they don’t tell you:
They want forgiveness without transformation.
They want comfort without correction.
They want reconciliation without repentance.
And most dangerously they believe they deserve it.
Let’s Call It What It Is: Manipulation Dressed as Remorse
Real remorse says:
“I broke something sacred. I don’t deserve your trust, but I will do the work to earn it back if you choose to let me.”
Manipulative remorse says:
“I said I’m sorry. Why are you still hurt?”
Or worse “You’re bitter. You need to heal. You’re blocking what God could restore.”
And suddenly, the woman who was betrayed becomes the villain in her own story. Suddenly, her pain is seen as unforgiveness.
He becomes the prodigal son while she becomes the gatekeeper of grace. And if she doesn’t open the door? She’s “not walking in love.” Do you see the problem?
From an early age, men are often told:
Their desires matter more than their discipline. Their urges are uncontrollable. Their mistakes are forgivable. Their ego must be protected even at the cost of someone else's dignity.
Meanwhile, women are told:
To sacrifice. To cover. To protect the home. To forgive, always. So when a man cheats, his sin becomes her burden. She becomes the one who must be the bigger person and if she dares to leave?
She’s seen as the one who “gave up.”
Many worship centers even preach forgiveness to women like it’s oxygen and accountability to men like it’s optional.
We should be telling men:
You are not entitled to your wife’s forgiveness. Your healing starts with humility and behavioral change. Your apology doesn’t undo her trauma. You can’t demand trust where you planted betrayal.
We should be telling women:
You are not required to stay. You don’t owe anyone your healing on their timeline. Reconciliation is a choice.
To the Man Reading This You knew.
You knew what this would cost her. You knew it would destroy her trust. You knew it could collapse your home and you did it anyway. So don’t expect her to carry a cross that you nailed her to. If you want healing, own what you did. If you want restoration, do the work. And if she chooses not to reconcile? Let that be the consequence.
Let’s stop glorifying broken men and calling it "Boys will be boys".
Stop demanding silence from women who are already bleeding.
Yes, restoration is possible but not when we lie. When we manipulate. When we rush forgiveness as if trust is a microwave meal. If you break something sacred, you don’t get to demand sacred outcomes. You wait. You repair. You earn. You change.
And if the person you hurt chooses not to come back?
You honor that. Because true remorse doesn’t chase restoration it respects boundaries.
