NOT EVERY FAMILY MEMBER IS FAMILY.
NOT EVERY FAMILY MEMBER IS FAMILY.
This truth has to be said.
“Family” is not a hall pass for harm or a free pass for manipulation, control, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or soul-crushing words wrapped in tradition, or age. Just because someone shares your blood, doesn’t mean they should terminate your peace and joy.
From childhood, many of us were told, "Family is everything.” “Respect your elders no matter what.” “You don’t cut off family.”
“Blood is thicker than water.” But no one told us that "Blood is not thicker than peace.”
Sometimes, the people who hurt you the most sit at your family table and call it love. You become flustered when their name lights up your phone. Your shoulders tighten at the thought of the next “family meeting or holiday.” You rehearse your boundaries in your head yet still feel guilty for applying them.
That’s not overthinking. That’s your nervous system remembering who is unsafe. When someone consistently disregards your emotional well-being, insults your identity, mocks your pain, or manipulates you into silence, your body knows before your mind can justify it.
DNA IS NOT A PERMISSION SLIP.
Yes, it is not and that is why I screamed. You are allowed to preserve your peace, even from your bloodline. You are allowed to say “I love you, but I will honor you with the gift of distance.” You are allowed to block, distance, pause, or go no-contact without guilt. Because emotional safety is not disrespect and trauma from family still counts as trauma.
Yes, I know the guilt is real, but so is the damage. You might hear relatives whisper that you're “too sensitive” or “disrespectful or proud.” But ask yourself this, how many times did you silence your truth just to keep the peace? How many times did you feel like a stranger in your own family? How long will you keep bleeding just to maintain “family unity”?
Emotional Intelligence is knowing when to walk away with love and this isn’t about canceling people or bitterness or revenge. It’s about discernment and recognizing who makes your inner world shrink, and who helps it expand. Some family members are safe. Some will grow, heal, and meet you in maturity while others will never respect your boundaries. They will continue to project, shame, and control.
So let’s redefine what family means. Family is anyone who creates emotional safety. Family is someone who sees your growth and doesn’t feel threatened by it. Family is someone who corrects you in love, not in humiliation. Family is someone who doesn’t need to manipulate you to stay close. You don’t owe anyone access to you just because they share your surname.
Not every family member is indeed family. Some are soul-drainers whom you must love from a distance.
This isn’t cruelty. This is clarity. Preserve your nervous system.
Protect your peace. Stop paying emotional tax.
